Putting Some Zing in Government Alerts

The General Services Administration is testing a new service allowing Americans to get text, e-mail, or RSS updates on a whole host of topics about which federal agencies provide information.

That's all well and good, writes Juli Weiner at Vanity Fair, but she says the government's alerts could use a little spicing up if agencies really want to attract eyeballs to the information they're putting out.

With tongue (presumably) in cheek, Weiner offers suggestions on how to pump up the search engine optimization factor on government's messages. Here are a couple:

Before: "Dough Masters Inc. of Troy, Michigan, is recalling all lots of their Oatmeal Raisin Cookies and Chocolate Chunk Cookies because they contain undeclared walnuts. People who have allergies to walnuts run the risk of serious or life-threatening allergic reaction if they consume these products"

After: KILLING YOU SWEETLY: Cookie Chock-Full of DEADLY Nuts

Before: "A new study adds to evidence that infants and toddlers are not too young to develop nasal allergies, particularly if their parents have a history of the bothersome condition"

After: Achoo! The 13 Worst Childhood Maladies and How They're Parents' Fault